


Finding a Family (Snape adopts Harry)

by Sephie01



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Canon Snape, Chamber of Secrets, Child Abuse, Draco abused by Lucius, Dudley becomes good, Dysfunctional but happy family, Harry abused by Dursleys, Harry has dark powers, Harry has slytherin traits, Harry has to leave Hogwarts, Harry raped by Lockhart, Harry severely traumatised, Manipulative Slytherins, Other, Snape a very good head of house, Snape had a shitty childhood, Snape mentors Harry, Snape was abused, Tom Riddle kidnaps Harry, Voldemort returns early, Voldemort tortures and kills Vernon and Petunia for info on Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25990849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sephie01/pseuds/Sephie01
Summary: “You’ll hurt me. Everyone hurts me in the end.” Harry is left severely traumatised after one of his professors molests him. Finally, he is found passed out and injured in a corridor by Snape and soon enough he is the only person Harry can trust, despite his sarcastic attitude and snarky admonishments. Both of them learn new things about the other and find things within themselves that they didn’t think possible.
Relationships: Harry and Draco are brothers - Relationship, Snape adopts Draco, snape adopts harry - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 102





	1. Detention

He had detention. Just a normal, 2 hour long detention. Detention, detention, detention. If he just thought about detention then he could almost forget that. In detention you wrote lines, cleaned cabinets, did essays- not that, never that. When Harry finally opened the door he was pale, deathly so- the only colour on his face were the twin splotches of unnatural red on his cheeks. His eyes were glazed over but he instantly focused on the man sitting at the desk, wavy blonde hair falling in his eyes with his sleeves rolled up as he answered fan mail. He could just run, he hadn’t seen him yet- he could run away and skip class and never go to his detentions again.

”Harry, my dear boy, do come in!” The smile across his face appeared genial but not in a kind, fatherly way- rather like a shark luring in it’s prey. He was prey. He was helpless. Lockhart swept across the room, closing and locking the door behind him before placing an arm around Harry’s waist, making the boy flinch and bury his head in his chest to try and hide the tears. “We haven’t been alone in almost a week. I hope you appreciate this chance to have a little fun... you looked so desperate for me in class.” He had led Harry up the stairs, into his private office, locking the door once again. Harry knew what he was expected to do, he knew what the man was going to ask but he couldn’t force himself into action, his whole body felt stiff- as though it wasn’t really his anymore and he had no control over it. “I’ve seen the way you look at me, the way you tease me, Harry. Be a good boy now and take a drink.” Lockhart purred, forcing the cup to Harry’s lips- massaging the liquid down Harry’s throat when he refused to swallow.

”No...” Harry stuttered, feeling warmth run through his body before his tongue stuck to his throat and he collapsed to the floor, his limbs turning to rubber- becoming soft and malleable.

”Oh my Harry, don’t worry, i’ll take care of you- but you look so flushed” Harry couldn’t properly see Lockhart since his head was bent at a strange angle but he felt his robes being unbuttoned and then removed, staring at the bottom of the desk and sucking in breath. His tie followed and then he felt those hands- those despicable hands- undoing his shirt, taking time to linger on each button. “So beautiful, do you see what you force me to do- pretty little Harry? Wouldn’t that Miss Granger be honoured to be here now, I’ve seen how she gazes at me, smelt it as she cums in lessons or bites her lip for my attention... yes, i’m sure she’d love this- I suppose you’ll just have to keep me occupied then or I might have to call her in for one of my special detentions, maybe even an extra special one- it could last all night- I bet she’s a virgin, just like you were- it makes it so much more delicious.” Lockhart whispered into Harry’s ear as he stroked his chest and pulled down the boys trousers so he was completely naked before pressing his lips to the Harry’s, moaning into the kiss whilst the boy was unable to fight back. He tried to move, to scream or curse but his body remained limp, Lockhart positioning him like a statue so that he was bent over the desk, feeling the man’s skin against his own before his head was jerked up and he found himself looking into a mirror. Watching as Lockhart grinded against him, trailing kisses down his spine. “Good boy, good beautiful boy- you’re such a tease, making me do this.” Harry wanted to vomit when he felt that hard thing against his hip, watching as Lockhart positioned himself and as tears of shame and humiliation rolled down his cheeks. He wanted to close his eyes but he couldn’t, he could only watch.

———————

It was well over two hours later when he stumbled out into the corridor, gazing around him in an attempt to grasp his surroundings. The corridor was spinning and he attempted to make his way unsteadily. He didn’t know where he was going- he just knew he needed to get away from there. Anywhere but there. Focusing on getting to the tower he managed to crawl through the castle, wincing with each step and gagging as he swallowed his vomit. He could feel blood trickling down his leg and still taste him in his mouth. His stomach cramped and convulsed- he needed to get it out- get everything out. The common room was empty, it always was when he came back from his detentions. Stumbling towards the bathroom he gratefully sank to his knees, everything came out. He didn’t know how long he was there but long enough to collect his thoughts and stop shaking.

Hesitantly, he got to his feet, casting a quick Tempus to reveal it was just past one am before getting in the shower, making sure it was scalding hot. Harry scrubbed until he was almost blood raw. There were scratch marks up his arms from where he scrubbed, clashing with bruises both new and old. His whole body stung.

———————

Harry didn’t know how many of Lockhart's special detentions he had had. It had been three months since term began and what happened didn’t even bother him anymore. His friends had noticed that something was different, Hermione observed that he wasn’t eating whilst Ron caught glimpses of bruises up his legs, his torso- even his throat, as well as the narrow scratches that covered his blistered body.

Once again, he was curled in the corridor, gulping in deep breaths of air, this time in a pool of his own vomit. He’d managed to get lost and hadn’t made it to the common room in time. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty- he had to get him away- out of his mind, off his body- just away. He began to panic, there wasn’t enough air to breath in, his lungs tightening and he briefly heard footsteps before the vast blackness enveloped his vision.

When he next opened his eyes he was in what he instantly recognised as the hospital wing, wearing hospital pyjamas. Someone was stroking his hair, despicable fingers tracing his scar until he leaned down “Pretty little Harry” There was a sing-song lilt to his whisper and Harry lurched away. When he saw the mans identity a soft whimper escaped his throat- he didn’t need to see him to know it was Lockhart, it was as if he had some kind of internal radar for the man but seeing the look in his eyes, the boyish grin, the wavy hair- it all chilled him to the core. All he could think of was how he wanted him OFF but it was like he was trapped inside his own body, barely registering the man’s cooing and he bent down to press his lips to Harry’s.

Only seconds later the door opened and Lockhart looked up, an ever-jovial grin on his face “Ah, Severus, what a pleasure to see you- though I dare say you came to seek me out?” Harry could only imagine the sneer and disgust painted on his potions professors face- both at Lockhart and at him for being such a dirty little whore.

”Hardly. Might I ask you, Gilderoy, what you happen to be doing here?” Snape annunciated each syllable so that it clearly slid across the room, unconcealed venom dripping from his voice.

”I was just worried about dear little Harry here- we have an understanding you see? Fame’s a fickle friend.” He laughed, patting Harry’s arm enthusiastically so that the boy flinched, squeezing his eyes shut and blocking out everything that was happening around him, withdrawing himself from the outside- it was how he had managed to get through that without jumping off the astronomy tower.

”I see. It might interest you to know that Mr Potter is in seclusion- only an approved list of people may have access to him.”

”Ah, well, um, can’t we just bend the rules? I could give you a signed copy of my book?”

”That will not be necessary. Leave.”

”Yes, of course.” Lockhart squeaked, scampering from the room whilst attempting to maintain a cocky grin. 

Minutes later, when Harry opened his eyes again- both Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape were sitting at his bedside exchanging glances when they saw that he was obviously awake.

”Mr Potter, how do you feel?” He thought it was Pomfrey but he wouldn’t swear to it- his eyes swivelled around, alert to his surroundings. Safe, safe, safe, safe- he needed to find somewhere safe. Within an instant he had jumped off the bed- faster than either adult could comprehend and stumbled across to a storage cupboard, clicking the lock shut from the inside. It was scary at first, voices, banging- he thought they would hurt him but suddenly it went quiet.

”Harry, It’s Professor Snape. We don’t want to hurt you, can you come out please?” His voice was soft, almost soothing and Harry wasn’t sure if he trusted it or not. Harry silently shook his head, tears dripping off his chin. “Harry?

”No.” He mumbled into his pyjamas.

”Why not? What are you afraid of?” He wasn’t sure how to answer that- wasn’t sure if he could answer that. There was such a long pause and Snape was about to use a simple alohamora to unlock the cupboard but instead he heard the boy’s voice, wavering as he hissed “Him. I’m safe from him here, safe from that.” Snape was about to answer when the boy cried out.

“Please don’t hurt me, Uncle! Please, i’ll be good! I promise i’ll be faster next time, please don’t beat me!” The adults waited a moment, hearing his sobbing from the inside and unsure whether to see what else he revealed or not.

”I’m not your Uncle, Harry, I won’t hurt you. You’re at Hogwarts- the Headmaster along with Madam Pomfrey and I are the only ones here- you’ll be safe if you come out.” He watched for a moment, hearing the lock click and stood back when Harry pushed it open, snivelling with his head bowed as he shuffled to the bed. 

“M’sorry, thought I was back with the Dursley’s.” Harry sniffled, whilst Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore looked slightly stunned, Snape narrowed his eyes, making his way to the boy’s bedside.

”Was spending time in supply closets a habit of yours, Potter?” The sarcasm in his voice actually relaxed the child, gentle Snape unnerved him, just like gentle Lockhart but he knew how to handle this Snape.

”It’s safe. I’m never safe, only in m’cupboard.”

”Pray tell, exactly what do you mean by that, Mr Potter?”

”No one can get into m’cupboard, not Uncle, or Dudley or Petunia- not him” It was obvious that Madam Pomfrey wanted to intervene- she needed to know who had drugged and subsequently raped him. It was on the scans that it was a repeated occurrence but Dumbledore placed a hand on her arm, cautioning her against pushing the boy too far.

”Who is he, Harry?”

”Can’t say, can’t say or he’ll do it to Hermione.” He shook his head rapidly, pressing his face into his hands and jerking away when Snape tried to place his hands on his head to stop him. “No! I won’t, I won’t, not that, never- I’ll, I’ll scream! Don’t touch me, don’t touch me!!” He yelled, cowering in the corner of the bed and trembling with wide eyes as his whole body shook.

”Ok, I won’t touch you. Potter, I would never make you do that.” Snape was emphatic as he said this, gripping his wand tightly until his knuckles turned white. Madam Pomfrey had shared her findings with him- the potion, the semen in his esophagus, the damage to his colon as well as the bruises, blisters, scratches- everything. He knew what had happened to the boy, just not who.

“Ever?”

”Absolutely never. It is a vile, sick thing to do to a child” Harry relaxed slightly, rubbing his hands along the injuries visible up his arms before looking up at the professor, tears coating his face.

”...I couldn’t move.” He whispered, voice faint and quaking. “I...I couldn’t move”

”The potion you drank... it was the wizard equivalent of a muggle ‘date-rape drug’-“

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He rubbed his fists over his eyes, curling his toes “There... I couldn’t- I panicked sir, that’s all. It won’t happen-“

”Are you a fool Potter?” Snape asked snidely, twisting his lips into a sneer. “It has already happened again and this will not be the last time it does. This person-“ Harry shook his head, slapping his hands over his ears as Snape rolled his eyes. “I assume that they are at Hogwarts due to the state I found you in the other night and it is only logical to assume that they are still at Hogwarts.” Snape lowered his voice to the same silky, menacing drawl that caused so many students to tremble. “Logic dictates that it must be either a student or a professor.”

Harry’s eyes were so wide it was a wonder they were still in their sockets. “I-I-I can’t.” He stuttered, shaking his head violently. “It never happened!” He finally burst out angrily.

”Clearly something did.” Snape drawled, signalling to Madam Pomfrey that it might be time for a calming draught.

Harry began violently shaking, scratching at his arms as he trembled until Madam Pomfrey spelled both a calming draught and a dreamless sleep into his stomach. Going against his instincts, Snape spoke up in the moments before Harry slipped into unconsciousness. “Who did it, Potter?”

”Lockhart”


	2. Freaks

By the time Harry had woken up the next morning, Lockhart was securely in the ministry and undergoing interrogation whilst all his memories regarding what had happened to Harry were stored under strong privacy wards in Dumbledore’s pensive.

“Potter, now that you’re awake I was hoping to discuss the results of your medical scans due to the behest of Madam Pomfrey. Would you prefer to do so in my quarters?” Harry looked mildly dazed, sleep still dawdling on his face but he stiffened at the mention of entering Snape’s quarters.

”Once again, Mr Potter, I would never do that. If you prefer we can conduct our conversation here.” Harry shook his head, reaching for his glasses as he sat up.

”No, please can we talk in your quarters, sir?” He whispered, curling himself into a ball.

”Of course, I assume you are familiar with Floo travel?” When Harry tensed even further, whimpering softly then Snape raised an eyebrow, sneering cynically. “Or do you wish to walk through the castle?” At this Harry sighed in reservation, slowly pushing himself from the bed and skittering towards the fireplace, following Snape as he went through.

Snape’s quarters were surprisingly colourful, deep blue walls with silver trimming enveloped the dark wood furniture and many book shelves. They were obviously in some kind of lounge/library with thick, white carpet that made Harry glad he wasn’t wearing shoes, Snape instantly scourngified the carpet were Harry had spread soot and the boy opened his mouth to apologise before noticing that the professor was leaving the room. He didn’t know what to do, was he expected to stay or follow? Could he sit down? Deciding it was best to stay as he was, Harry waited patiently for Snape to come back, this time with a large platter of food including everything from pastries to fruit with two mugs of thick, creamy hot chocolate.

”You may sit down, Harry. You must be hungry.” Harry tentatively slipped onto the sofa opposite his professor, silently wondering why they weren’t at a table but choosing not to question it. He grasped the warm mug in his hands, drinking deeply as he felt the heat spread through his body. Snape placed two bowls and a plate beside him, on the plate was a slice of toast and a Danish pastry and one of the bowls contained porridge the other fruit. “I would like you to eat two of what is in front of you.” 

“Bu-“ Harry started without thinking, clamping his hands over his mouth and rapidly shaking his head.

”But what, Potter?” Snape seemed to be smirking as he said this, tempting an answer from Harry in a way that made his skin crawl.

”I don’t think, sir- I don’t think I can eat this, I mean-“ He rambled worriedly for a moment before being cut off by a dark look from Snape.

”What an excellent introduction to the topic of your malnutrition.”

”Sir?”

”Madam Pomfrey cast full diagnostic spells on you which revealed a number of disturbing things, one of which was that you are severely malnourished and underweight. This could be due to an eating disorder, fussy eating, lack of ability to take care of yourself or forced starvation. Which is it?” Snape’s tone was clipped but not cold, holding a genuine warmth to it as he addressed the matter bluntly.

”My relatives never starved me!” Harry hissed, squeezing his eyes shut against the memories and pulling his knees to his chest.

”So they supplied you with three, well-balanced and adequately sized meals a day?” Harry was about to open his mouth when he looked down, furiously wiping tears from his eyes. “Harry, what did you eat in their care? How often?”

”Maybe once a-once a day- if I wasn’t freaky”

”And what does being a ‘freak’ consist of?” Snape asked, playing along to allow Harry to feel more comfortable.

”Freaks don’t get love, no one loves a freak- you just put up with them.” Harry began, unaware that his voice had taken on the quality of a younger child. “Freaks shouldn’t be heard or seen. No one wants to look at a freak, they’re worthless. Freaks oughta be glad for what they get, ‘cause they’re lucky to get anything.” 

“And why is that, Harry?” Snape asked very softly.

”Cause freaks are bad.” Harry answered automatically.

”How so?”

”They don’t act right. They make weird stuff happen. You can’t be seen in public with a freak. People stare and point. Good people don’t spend time with freaks- they smell bad and look funny. You can’t trust a freak, they cheat and they lie and they don’t know how to be good.”

Snape’s face was unreadable now. Harry decided that it might be better not to look up again- he didn’t really want to see whether Snape agreed with the Dursley’s or not. “What does it take to be good?” His professor finally asked, his voice strangely hoarse.

”Do what ‘m told and not talk or do anything freaky.”

Silence, and then Snape said, “It sounds as though you are not allowed to be good, Harry”

”If I tried harder-“ He whispered, feeling the old yearning deep in his heart again.

”What happens if you are ‘bad’ Harry?”

”Get punished.” Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders, his eyes still on the floor.

”Like what?”

”Beatings and- and I get locked in my cupboard without food. Aunt ‘tunia sometimes burns me or puts my hand on the stove.” He said, giving another shrug.

”Your cupboard?” Snape sounded slightly incredulous, he didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

”Yeah, freaks don’t deserve rooms. They’re not like people, they don’t need that much.”

”What are they like then?”

Harry thought for a moment and then answered hesitantly. “They’re more like animals.”

”Like pets?” It seemed that Snape was really trying to understand the intricacies of being a freak.

”No. Pets are more important. You can love a pet, you can’t love a freak.” He lifted up his glasses and ran his hand across his eyes impatiently as Snape walked around the table, ignoring Harry’s flinch as he placed an arm around him and touched his cheek.

”What do you think you are, Harry?” Snape’s voice trembled as he said this, almost afraid of the answer.

”Freak.” He growled out. “Whore”. He added in a choked voice, looking away quickly before Snape could see his tears.

”Victim,” Snape countered; his voice a low rumble. “Child. Innocent.”

”Broken. Dirty,” Harry hissed back, crossing his arms and beginning to pinch at the skin between his ribs, using the physical pain to take away from that which was in his heart.

”Mistreated, hurt.” Snape answered; his intense gaze unblinking as he stared back at him.

”Stupid,” Harry shook his head, his lower lip trembling as he dug his nails into his skin. “Blind.”

”Betrayed.” Was the soft response.

Something caught in Harry’s throat at that. He wanted to add on another idea but suddenly he couldn’t say anymore without fear that he would cry. Instead, he nodded his head. Instead he simply nodded his head. 

Snape took both Harry’s hand in his own, looking the boy in the eyes as he said “stop that. I don't want you hurting yourself” harry was surprised he had noticed, no one ever had before. “Now, you should eat something before it gets cold.” Harry looked up at Snape, stunned that the professor could return to such a normal topic after that discussion. Once Harry had managed to eat a slice of toast and his hot chocolate he was too full to eat anything else- causing Snape to clear the platter away with a heavy sigh.

“There is only one more thing we need to discuss, Harry, “ The boy appeared to brace himself on this, pushing his nails into his palms “Well, apparently two, “ Snape added sombrely. “After much discussion, the headmaster and Madam Pomfrey decided that you are not in a fit mental place to return to classes.” Harry looked as though he were about to protest but instead just nodded dumbly, drawing blood with his nails. “Since there is too much speculation involved in the idea of you remaining in the infirmary then we have decided that it would be best for both you and me to leave the castle until you are in a better place. We have made this decision since I am the only other person aware of this situation. Would you be comfortable with staying in isolated lodgings with me, alone?” Harry thought for a moment before nodding, whilst he didn’t exactly like Snape then he was predictable and he was the one who had found him in the corridor- he was safe, besides, he’d been really decent to him the past few days. “I will also take the place of your legal guardian as the Dursley’s are apparently unfit. Whilst you are with me- I will not tolerate any self-harming behaviours.”

”What!?” Harry squawked, eliciting the reaction that Snape fully anticipated.

”The showers so hot that you blister your skin, scrubbing until you bleed, pinching yourself- these are all forms of self-harm.” Harry didn’t meet his eyes, glaring at the ground as if he could blast holes in it although, the tightness of his knuckles had decreased and he did look slightly more relaxed. “You ought to know that Lockhart-“ Harry flinched at the name, squeezing his eyes shut, “-is undergoing investigation at the ministry and it has been discovered that almost every student to carry out detention with him has been subjected to either serious sexual assault or rape.”

”It- It wasn’t rape”

”No? Why not?”

”I-I- he said I tempted him- that I wanted it and it was all my fault. Besides, I still went to his detentions- even when I knew what would happen” Snape wanted to punch something but he presented a cool exterior, lifting the boys face so he could meet his eyes.

”That is one of the worst parts of any kind of abuse, making the victim appear to be at fault but that is not true. He is a grown man, you are a child- all the blame lies with him. Whilst it appeared that you received the majority of his attention then you were not singled out. It is not your fault- only his.” Rather than agreeing, Harry simply shrugged his shoulders, scuffing his shoes against the floor. “You must be tired, come, for the next few days you will be staying in my chambers-“ Snape realised his mistake almost too late as Harry started shaking violently, scratching at his arms and whimpering “No, no, no. Not that, no, no, no- I don’t want it” 

“Harry. Harry, focus on me- focus on here. You aren’t there, that won’t happen to you ever again.” Snape’s tone was low and smooth as he placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders, bending down so they were at eye level and continuing to talk in that same tone until he had almost entirely stopped shaking. “I would never do that to anyone, especially not a child.” He emphasised, not moving until Harry had stopped crying.

”I’m sorry-“

”Don’t apologise- it was no one’s fault except his- no matter what he said.” After a pause in which Harry wiped across his eyes, Snape drew himself to his full height, although was careful not to be intimidating. “Here, i’ll show you to the spare room. I hope it’s to your liking” Harry still cowered slightly but he followed the professor without issue, admiring the kitchen they walked through, noting that it was not what he had expected of his professor- even including muggle appliances such as toasters and microwaves. Harry’s room was slightly larger than his one at Privet drive with a small double bed in the centre along with a wardrobe which had been pushed to the side. The walls were a dark, forest green- very unlike the emerald Slytherin green. There was an en suite although Snape assured him that there was a temperature cap on the shower to prevent him from scalding himself which caused Harry to scowl- he was dirty- he needed to wash him off. He wanted to yell at Snape that he didn’t understand but all that came out was a yawn.

”Sleep, Potter- you have nothing to do today.” Harry felt like he should protest but the bed looked too inviting so he contentedly lay down, watching blearily as Snape sat himself besides him, opening up his potions journal.


	3. Cupboards

Uncle Vernon was angry. Harry knew before he’d even seen the man from the sound of the car door slamming to the rough grip that closed around his shirt, pulling him from his work in the garden to the house where he threw him from the doorway to the far wall, causing the furniture to wobble.

”Been doing freaky things again at school, have you boy? Taking our kindness and hospitality for granted, are you?” He spat, spittle dampening Harry’s shirt as he grasped the boy’s chin, forcing the child to look up at him.

”S-sorry Un-“ Harry whimpered before the crack of Uncle Vernon’s slap echoed across the room. Tears began to pool in Harry’s eyes as the slap stung, stealing his breath as he tried to choke out another apology to no success. The slap was followed quickly by a sharp kick that caused Harry to clutch at his middle, crumpling into a ball at his Uncle’s feet- giving up on holding in his screams when he finally threw up a mixture of both blood and vomit as the kitchen door shut, leaving them both alone.

The next thing he knew was laying practically unconscious under a freezing hose that was sprayed with such force he was sure it would bruise. He tried to curl into a ball but every time he did, Petunia sprayed the hose at his face, commanding that if he ever wanted to step foot inside her house again he would have to stop looking like such a dirty freak.

————————

Harry had been asleep all day and Snape had just settled down himself when he heard the screaming. He had laced the hot chocolate with a dreamless sleep draught but it only prevented dreams, not memories. He was breathing heavily as he attempted to sooth the boy who was clawing at his arms whilst screaming and retching. Deciding to stop him from further harming himself, Snape immobilised him before calling his name and finally resorting in dousing him with cold water until he blearily opened his eyes, jerking and fighting against the bonds.

When Harry finally awoke he tried to curl up into a ball but instead, due to the body bind curse, he began to panic, hyperventilating whilst Snape sat at his bedside completely clueless as to how to help, or even why he felt that he should help.

”Potter. Calm yourself, are you incapable of ceasing to draw attention to yourself for a mere second? You’re in a body bind curse which I shall now release since you are no longer in danger of hurting yourself.” As he spoke he silently released the curse, Harry had projected himself as far away as possible as soon as he had and whilst he didn’t look up then Snape could tell by the rise and fall of his shoulders that his breathing had calmed a little.

”Why m’I so wet?” His voice was thick with snot and muffled through his protective ball but Snape automatically sneered and raised an eyebrow.

”You wake up having had what appeared to have been a nightmare, have a panic attack and your only question is why you’re wet?” Remembering a favourite phrase of Mrs Evans, Snape was unable to stop himself from muttering “You’re enough to make a saint swear, Potter”, in the same mildly exasperated yet surprisingly fond tone that the motherly woman had always used with him when he was frequenting the Evans household.

Harry chanced a peek through his fingers and asked in a tone that would normally earn him the deduction of several points as well as numerous detentions “Well?” Snape had to bite back a scowl at this, it would do no good to further intimidate the child.

”You wouldn’t wake up, you left me no choice but to douse you in water.” He silently dried the shivering child who relaxed minutely once he did so.

”I thought you were Aunt Petunia.” The boy had taken to slurring his words again and muttering them into his hands so Snape gently yet firmly removed his hands from covering his face so he could see those damned green eyes gazing up at him, unobscured by spectacles and filled with tears so they appeared even brighter.

”So your nightmare was about her?” He inquired softly, perhaps overly cautious not to cause the child to clam up.

”Wasn’t a nightmare.” Harry shook his head softly, nibbling his lower lip until beads of blood appeared.

”A memory, then.” The older wizard appeased. 

“Don’ wanna talk about it.” Rather than pressing the issue, Snape checked his watch, noting that it was almost dinner time and called up one of the house elves.

”Could you bring us both up a plate of dinner, please? You know what we like.” He asked as politely as Harry had ever heard him, without even a trace of cynicism or strain.

”Yes Master Potions Master Snape Sir!” The elf’s squeaked happily before disappearing with a loud ‘pop’.

”Come now Potter. I do not care for slovenly teenage behaviour and will not allow you to form disgusting habits such as eating in bed.” He held out a hand to Harry who glared at it with as much spite as he could muster before pushing himself off the bed and taking a few shaky steps to the door where his knees eventually buckled and he fell to the ground with an exclamation of ‘Shit’. This time he took the proffered hand and allowed Snape to lead him to the table, especially grateful for the mans decorum in this moment. No sooner had they sat down than food had appeared; a chicken breast cooked in herbs and lemon on a bed of quinoa and spinach for Snape and a kidney pie with a dessert of sticky toffee pudding for Harry.

They ate in silence, Snape occasionally looking up to glare at Harry when he stopped eating in favour of pushing food around his plate. Once Snape had finished and Harry had eaten enough to satisfy the professor then the house elf came back to clear the plates away, bringing with it two mugs of honey and lemon tea which it set down on the coffee table by the sofa.

”My apologies, Potter. I didn’t think to ask if you would prefer something else, I don’t particularly enjoy caffeine in the evenings so the house-elves always bring me this. I could ask for some hot chocolate if you are amenable?” Snape asked, once again, surprising Harry with his manners as he led the small boy to the sofa.

”No thank you Sir. This is all fine.” He murmured in the most dignified tone he could muster considering that his vocal cords had been damaged by the regularity with which he had been orally assaulted.

”So what was your nightmare about?” Snape paused briefly to gauge whether the boy would respond to that. “No? Well, I suppose we could always discuss what Lockhart did to you instead.” Harry flinched at the name, holding his mug so tight that the heat emanating must have been burning his hands. Suddenly, the mug cracked and he leapt up in surprise as his lap was scalded, although he didn’t make a sound, just bit on his lip and swiped angrily at the few traitorous tears.

Snape raised his wand to point in Harry’s general direction, causing him to back against the wall, holding his arms above his head in a meagre form of protection and frantically stutter apologies. ”I-I’m so sorry Sir, so sorry. P-please don’t-“ Then he felt the mild burns on his lag disappear to be replaced with a cool sensation and when he peeked through his arms he saw the mug was once again in one piece and was filled with the tea, steaming and condensing slightly around the rim of the mug.

”Come back Harry, I wasn’t going to hurt you. I will never hurt you either with my wand or my fists or sexually, I wouldn’t do that to a child.” Tentatively, Harry resumed his place and shakily took a sip of the warm liquid, the honey instantly soothing his abused throat. They sat like that for a long while, until they had both finished their tea when Harry finally said; “I was back with the Dursley’s. I must have done something freaky because Uncle Vernon was punishing me.”

”How was he punishing you Harry?” Snape’s voice was so neutral that it was almost kind. Well, not kind exactly, Harry thought, but comforting. He felt safe.

”H-he um, well at first it was just a slap then he started kicking me...” He trailed off, gnawing at his lip and digging his nails into his hands until he was certain that if he removed them there would be a steady stream of blood.

”Then what?” Whilst Harry couldn’t bare to move his eyes from his feet, Snape’s eyes never left Harry. Very slowly and gently he took the boys hand, noting that he still flinched, and accio’d dittany and bandages which he began to gently apply, not saying a word of the boys behaviours.

”He tanned my hide.” This made Snape narrow his eyes and apply the dittany with just a little too much force so that Harry hissed in pain. To soothe him, he stroked the childs wrist with his forefinger whilst using the other hand to tightly bandage it. “Why are you being so nice to me Sir? I’m just a freak, freaks don’t need kindness.”

”You think this is kindness? I assure you Potter that any other member of staff would behave the same way. This is just responsible. This is duty. I dare say you haven’t much experience of the adults in your life being responsible though, have you?”

”I can look after myself!” Despite the small outburst, Snape noted idly that the boy still held out his other hand to be treated.

”I’m sure you can Potter, but you’re 12. You shouldn’t have to.” Unsure how to respond, Harry only sat quietly until his hands had been treated. He was going to go back to bed when Snape eventually said; “Please remove your shirt, Potter. If being belted was as regular an occurrence throughout your upbringing as i fear it was then your welts will need treating.” He saw the flash of panic in Lilys eyes as the boy pressed himself into the corner of the sofa, analysing the situation for almost a minute before very slowly moving to remove his shirt and turning around. Snape had to press his jaws together to keep from hissing at the sight before him, the only other person he knew of with welts and scars as bad as these was himself. As he placed a hand on Harrys shoulder, the Gryffindor seemed to instinctively leap across the room and into the potions storage cupboard, locking it with a burst of wild magic.

Snape could hear his sobs through the door and mentally cursed himself seven ways to hell and back before taking deep breaths and kneeling by the door. “You’re safe here Harry. I’m not your uncle, nor am I him, I won’t hurt you Harry, I just want to heal your back.”

”You’ll hurt me. Everyone hurts me in the end.”

”I’m not everyone though, am I Potter? You know I wouldn’t hurt you. Think about it, how many times have I mocked you or had you in unfair detentions or humiliated you? You know that you have angered and irritated me beyond belief but I have never hurt you. I never have and I have no intentions of doing so.” He heard a soft sniffle and, loosing patience simply demanded; “Oh would you cease being so foolish and self-pitying Potter? They’re rather unattractive qualities.” To his surprise, it was that remark that resulted in the door swinging open and Harry crawling out and making his way to the bedroom where he lay face down on the bed. He didn’t need to check to know that Snape had followed him so he simply said; “Please just tell me what you do before your do it?” To which Snape affirmed he would before beginning to narrate the healing process to the boy. At some point he stopped shaking and the rise and fall of his back steadied until Snape noticed that the child was asleep and gently tucked him in, removing his shoes and turning him in his sleep before casting a sleep well charm over him and taking his place in the armchair at the end of the room, swiftly succumbing to sleep himself.


	4. Voices

Harry was walking through the castle having just retrieved his belongings from Gryffindor Tower. They were to leave for a cottage in Devon in the morning and Snape had assured him, multiple times that he would not hurt him the same way that he had yet Harry still felt a lingering unease as he neared the dungeons. It had taken much longer than it should have done to walk to and from the tower, however, he was determinedly avoiding the defence corridor, meaning he had to utilise several much longer passages. He stumbled out of a painting in a corridor just off the Great Hall, the only thing he could hear was his own footsteps slapping against the stone floors and the dull thud of his trunk, he had almost begged Snape to come with him however, Dumbledore had said it was imperative that Snape be at the feast tonight. As he was getting closer to the Great Hall he heard what he thought to be fellow students and pressed himself into an alcove. It started as a quiet, whispering sound, almost like air whistling through trees but as it grew louder, Harry could no longer ignore the words being formed and, having checked that he couldn’t see any students he tried to run from the sound. It was almost a screech now, pounding through his head and making his hairs stand on end from the nails on a chalkboard scraping sound. 

“Come...Come to me... Let me rip you... Let me tear you...” It felt as though his ears were bleeding as he tried to escape it, running past the Great Hall where the feast was still in progress without a second thought, eventually the sound stopped and he was able to collapse against the wall panting and shoving sweaty hair from his face. With a groan, he realised he had left his trunk in the alcove but he couldn’t quite bring himself to face that sound again, instead making his way towards Snape’s quarters as quickly as possible. It felt like minutes but in fact he was sure it had been almost half an hour by the time Snape ran in, looking the most frantic that Harry had ever seen him.

”Are you okay? Did you see anything on your way back to the tower? Did you do anything? Answer me, boy!” He grasped Harry by the shoulders and begun violently shaking him as the small boy paled and tried to wriggle away with little success. Snape’s hair hung lankily around his face and his eyes were wide and almost completely pitch black as he sneered at the young boy. It was as though something suddenly switched, without warning, Snape dropped him as if he had been burnt and backed away into the wall whilst Harry ran to the bathroom locking himself in. When Snape tried to approach he could hear the boys sobs through the door and feel the slight reverberation of magic which was obviously keeping the door shut since Snape’s ‘alohamora’ hadn’t worked. 

“Harry... Harry come out, please. I was scared something had happened to you and I’m unaccustomed to worry like that, it made me angry that you had worried me so but I’m not angry anymore idiot child, I just want to make it better. Are you- Did I hurt you?”

”M’sorry Uncle. I’ll be really, really good next time, I didn’t mean to hurt Dudley, honestly I didn’t. I apologised’n everything, please don’t be angry with me.” Snape buried his head in his hands, this was going to take a lot to undo.

”I’m not your Uncle, Harry, I’m Professor Snape. You did not do anything wrong and I won’t hurt you, you had a fright is all.” He tried to make his voice as soothing and non-threatening as possible but, given the boys next words, he clearly hadn’t succeeded.

”Would you like me to fetch the chain or the belt Uncle?” Even Harrys voice trembled as he said that and the minimal amount of colour flooded from Snape’s face. Remembering how, almost a week ago, coddling the boy had gotten him nowhere yet his usual snark had worked, he took a deep breath and went against his better instincts.

”Potter. Stop this childish, attention-seeking tantrum and re-join the rest of us. You may be the chosen one but I assure you, at this particular moment, no-one in their right minds would hesitate to complete the Dark Lords mission for him if it would simply put a stop to this inane babbling.” There was a long moment of silence on the other side of the door and Snape was beginning to feel that he had gone too far when he heard a lock click, showing that at least the child’s accidental magic had recognised that he wasn’t a threat. He very cautiously pushed the door open until he saw Harry bent over a chair which typically sat unnoticed in the corner of the room with his top off, exposing his back and in a position Snape found himself to be very familiar with, the position for a belting. He knelt down on the cool tiles, hoping the boy would lift his head a little to see him but when he didn’t, Snape lay down so that he was looking up at the ceiling before shifting his position so that he was looking into the boys eyes and vice versa. “See, Potter, surely you are not so blind as to mistake me for your lout of an Uncle?” When that gained no response, Snape very gently took the boys hand and allowed him to feel his face. He could see the moment that Harry snapped out of it because he recoiled in horror and pushed himself off the chair and even into the bath, drawing the curtain around him and effectively hiding himself.

”You said you wouldn’t hurt me.” His tone was accusatory and Snape felt an unfamiliar flash of guilt.

”I, ah, wasn’t in my right mind. I was worried, Potter.... Would you please come out, I would prefer not to be talking to a shower curtain.

”It’s safe here.”

”I’m safe, remember Harry, when you were in the hospital wing then you said I was safe.”

”Not safe anymore.” That hurt Snape more than he would even care to admit to himself.

”What do I need to do to be safe again Harry?” Once again, he went silent and Snape almost thought he hadn’t heard or he’d somehow left the room without him noticing but eventually Harry said; “Hold me”. So, that’s what Snape did. He went around the shower curtain and felt for the boy until they were both laying in the bath, with Snape’s arms wrapped around the child and a thin shower curtain between them. He was beginning to think that Harry had fallen asleep in his arms and was just preparing to cast a feather-light charm and carry him to his room when he spoke again;

“Why were you so worried about me?” Harry sounded almost as if he were speaking a foreign language, his words were halting and he had particular trouble managing to get around their sounds, it made Snape raise an eyebrow though he chose not to say anything.

”When the students left the great hall, Filch’s cat, Mrs Norris, was found petrified and hanging by her tail.” He said quietly, almost whispering as he thought back to the instant flood of emotions he had felt and his struggle to maintain his composure. Lily had always been fond of that mangy animal, she was the only person the cat would allow to stroke and feed her, suggesting the fondness must have been mutual to some extent.

”And you thought I’d done it.” The boy sounded glum at this, as if he were resigned and Snape was almost surprised to find that he had started shaking his head through no volation of his own.

”No. I was worried that you’d been hurt.” He said, upon realising that the boy couldn’t see him shaking his head. Harry’s lips parted at that, an expression of surprise quite clearly etched on his face.

”But you hate me!” He blurted out, feeling Snape’s arms tense around him.

”I hated your father, and I thought you were an exact replica; arrogant, foolish, lazy. Now, I realise that you are one of the least arrogant people I know, are more capable than most adults, let alone 12 year olds and that if for any reason your work was unsatisfactory or your attitude sullen then that was because of cognitive development issues in your formative years due to your relatives treatment of you. You are Harry, not James Potter.” Neither of them seemed to know what to say after this so, after a moment of awkwardness, Snape made to stand up, announcing that; “You ought to go to bed now Harry, we have an early start. Do you have everything you need?”

”Urm, actually Professor... when i was coming back from the tower I heard voices, kind of like a hissing and a screeching. I couldn’t tell where they were coming from so I hid but then they just got louder and closer until I could hear that it was saying it wanted to- to rip or to tear someone. I got scared so i ran and left my trunk there.”

”Whereabouts in the castle did you hear these... voices, Harry?”

”Near the Great Hall.”

”I will fetch your luggage for you but I am going to need to speak to Professor Dumbledore urgently. These” He began to open and shut cupboards until he was grasping two bottles, each with a bluish grey liquid in them “Are dreamless sleep and deep slumber potions. I want you to take them now and then go straight to bed. Don’t wait up for me.” He was ready pulling on his cloak when Harry finally spoke up.

”What’s wrong? What did I hear?” He sounded much younger than he was in those moments, completely vulnerable and scared.

”I don’t know, but i can’t imagine it was good. Now, take your potions, idiot child.” He sounded almost gentle as he said those last few words and shook his head affectionately when Harry obediently gulped them down, saying good bye before dragging himself to his room whilst Snape left his quarters, warding them so he would be alerted should Harry have a nightmare or come to any harm.

When Harry awoke the next morning, he heard sounds of movement coming from the small kitchenette so he stumbled through, still bleary eyed and malcoordinated from sleep. He had expected Snape to wake him up At about 6am but, judging by the fact that a quick Tempus revealed it to be 8am then he instantly assumed something was wrong. As it was, Snape looked positively content with his copy of the daily prophet, morning coffee and an omelet. He barely acknowledged Harry until he was sitting opposite him with some tea and toast. When he did see the boy, it was as if the previous contentment disappeared and his brow became furrowed, his lips pressing themselves into a thin line.

”As you are aware, I spoke to the headmaster last night. He doesn’t wish for me to tell you this but I refuse to lie to you and as your future guardian, provided the paperwork goes through satisfactorily, I have the final say. He believes that what you heard in the corridor was something that the Dark Lord had placed in your mind.” That went about as well as expected, Harry spat out his tea, soaking the newspaper before slamming his cutlery down and beginning to pinch at his thighs.

”He’s dead though, I killed him again at the end of last year.” Harry wished he could sound more confident as he said that, instead, his voice wavered and his bottom lip trembled.

”We don’t know that for certain-“ Snape began before he was swiftly interrupted by another outburst,

“And how can he make me hear stuff anyways!?” This time, Harry was more angry than confident, his fear feeding the emotion and making him lash out, yelling even as tears glossed over his eyes.

”Calm yourself!” Snape waited until the child’s arms were crossed and he was sulking silently before continuing. “We do not know the specifics of what happened last year, that has always been made clear to you. As for making you hear things; there is a certain type of magic called Legilimency, whereby one witch or wizard is capable of seeing into the mind of the other. They cannot read thoughts but rather sense emotions and see memories. Similarly, they cannot see any memory at will, they must search for whatever it is they seek. However, a legilimens is also able to place images in someone’s mind. Make them believe something that isn’t true, see things which aren’t there and hear things. We believe that the Dark Lord was Legilimizing you somehow last night. Fortunately, there is another type of magic called Occlumency in which an occlumens is able to hide thoughts, produce false images in their own head and protect against mental attacks from a legilimens. The Headmaster wishes for me to teach you Occlumency.” Harry was still sulking after this explanation but at least he had stopped pinching himself and was now just scowling and scuffing the carpet with his foot.

”Whatever. Why aren’t we in Devon? You said we would go this morning?” He pressed, apparently eager for something that Snape couldn’t provide an adequate answer for.

”The Headmaster decided I should explain this to you first, before we leave. Is that all sufficient for now?” Harry merely grunted in response. “Then get dressed, your trunk is by the door. We’ll Portkey over briefly.” A few minutes later, both of them equally as sullen as the other, they grasped onto the handkerchief that instantly transported them away.


	5. Occlumency lessons

Despite Madam Pomfrey’s warnings that it would be best to refrain from any strenuous activity until she was absolutely certain that the Dursley’s had caused neither brain nor nerve damage, Harry found himself flying around a small, thatched-roof cottage with a view of the sea in a quaint little muggle village. Snape had deliberately only placed notice-me-not charms around the small garden and only up to 20 metres in the air and he insisted on also being in the air with Harry but nonetheless, the boy was flying. The feel of the wind in his hair and the sting against his face almost allowed him to forget the events of the past term and brought the first genuine smile to his face that Snape had seen in a long time. A small part of this smile could be accredited to the view of Snape on a broom, robes billowing around him so that he looked like the bat the students had always nicknamed him as.  
As soon as it began to get dark, Snape ordered the small boy inside but by this time, Harry was so physically exhausted that he put up very little protest. Soon enough though, after some steak and kidney pie, he was beginning to broach the subject of more flight time which was swiftly rejected.

“Potter, as adept at flying as you may be, your eye-sight is certainly not as keen. Madam Pomfrey stressed that flying was to be kept to a minimum, if done at all and you have already had three hours today. As such, I recommend you stop your whining and eat some more treacle tart.” Snape hissed, furrowing his brows in annoyance at having to reject the boys wishes for what was now the 3rd time that night.

“Not hungry.” Harry mumbled into his lap, missing the eye-role Snape sent his way.

“Very well then. If you are finished then we can move onto this evenings occlumency sessions.” Snape announced, moving all the dishes to the sink with a flick of his wand.

“Whatever.” Harry continued to sulk, pushing his chair back with a loud screech but before he could move any further, his chin was in a firm grip and his eyes were being forced to meet Snape’s.

“There are two ways that occlumency can be taught, one is significantly more frustrating and even painful than the other so I suggest you stop behaving like a petulant toddler and start acting like the adult I’m sure you wish to be treated as.” For a moment, Harry didn’t move and Snape’s grip loosened as he worried if he had perhaps gone too far but eventually Harry nodded and stood up, holding out his hand to Snape.

“I’m sorry I behaved like a petulant toddler, professor.” Snape tutted briefly, he would have to teach the boy how to give a proper apology but now was not the time so instead, he took the boys hand, shaking it and nodded in acceptance before leading Harry towards the living room.

Harry stood in silence for a moment whilst Snape opened one of the cupboards and removed a thin, silvery disc. It appeared almost completely flat but at further contemplation one could see that there was the slightest decline towards the centre. Snape threw it like it were a frisby and Harry’s hands flew to cover his head as he ducked to ensure it wouldn’t hit him but instead, it stopped in the middle of the room and floated at chest height so that Harry could now see the viscous, clear liquid inside the shallow bowl.

“This is a pensive, it can be used to store memories and it allows memories to be viewed by others. If there is anything in your head that you would prefer I didn’t see then I will show you how to place memories inside the pensive although I can assure you that I have no intention of perusing them.” Harry thought for a moment, the professor knew everything that had happened to him but knowing and seeing were two different things. Eventually he nodded, taking a cautious step towards the pensive. Snape looked as though he had been expecting this and met Harry on the other side of the disc.

“I would like you to think of everything that you wish to remove into the pensive, then, I will place my wand to your temple in order to extract the memory and I will place it in here. Once we have completed the lesson then I will explain how these memories are restored. Any questions?”

“Do they have to be restored Sir?” Snape seemed to recoil for a moment before looking at him with something akin to pity.

“Yes, Potter. Witches and Wizards alike have attempted to surrender memories on a more permanent basis but the result is that their memory becomes fragile and loose, making them particularly susceptible to legilimency, the imperious curse and to memory charms.”

“Oh, and I suppose that would be counter-intuitive?”

“Exactly, Potter. Now, are you ready for me to extract your memories?” Harry nodded before closing his eyes and focusing on all the times that Lockhart had assaulted him. Momentarily he felt Snape’s wand against his temple and a sharp pressure against his skull and then they were just gone. He could still remember what had happened but he no longer had the visual memory and what he did remember was less poignant. “Again?” Snape asked and he was met with yet another nod. This time Harry thought of the Dursley’s, of the cupboard under the stairs, the Harry-hunting, the cooking, the belt. All of it. And just like with Lockhart it was then gone.

When Harry opened his eyes he saw Snape lead him over to the sofa then, bizarrely, Snape sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa and then patted the ground in front of him. One look at the expression on Harry’s face and he knew he needed to explain further. “This works best when you are relaxed and I need to touch your temples.” Harry found this bizarre but wasn’t about to complain before he thought of something.

“Did you use the pensive Sir?”

“No, this will be harmonious, there should be no need for you to attack my memories. Sit.” Harry eventually did so, placing himself between Snape’s legs and using his palms to hold himself up. “Lean back more if you like, you won’t knock me over.” Harry did so, easing off his palms until he was fully leaning on Snape’s chest. He found it oddly comforting, the mans fingers in his hair, the sound of his heartbeat, the warmth he gave off and the surprising scent of liquorice. It didn’t even occur to him to feel uncomfortable with the close contact or the vulnerability of the moment. "We're going to work on clearing your mind. This means to focus on one thing until it fills your whole mind, until there is no thought left, just an image that consumes you entirely. When done well, you'll cease to be aware even of the image, so completely will it block all thought."

"Uh-huh," Harry mumbled. He was losing himself in sensation, in the steady drone of Snape’s sneer, and found it increasingly hard to concentrate. He shook his head a bit, trying to clear it, and Snape's fingers tightened on his temples.

"You were doing fine before," he said. "Relax, again." Harry seemed to struggle with this although he wasn’t entirely sure why until Snape next spoke. “I should have realised, whilst you can’t remember it clearly then your body still remembers what Lockhart did, you can’t physically relax whilst in such close proximity to another person.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry had barely even finished speaking when Snape started his lecture.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. What Lockhart did was not your fault, you couldn’t have stopped it, you didn’t ask for it and you didn’t deserve it. It’s incredible that your body has even allowed you to sit in this position without causing you a panic attack, the pensive can only remove visual and auditory memories, muscle memory is a completely different thing. Do you wish to continue or would you feel more comfortable leaving this for another day?”

“I’ll continue, it’s not like Voldemort’s going to give it a rest any time soon, is it?” Snape knew there was no need to answer that question, instead he just exhaled gently, releasing a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding in.

Harry pulled in a breath when Snape did, and as he let it out, those fingers returned to smooth up and down across his temple. Snape kept speaking, his voice low and calm, and Harry found that every time he exhaled, he leaned more against his teacher, until he felt boneless. It was a feeling he hadn't liked when caused by Lockhart’s potion but now, it was actually very pleasant.

"All right," Snape murmured. "Now don't try to think, don't try to feel, or remember, or react. Just let yourself go, let yourself just be. Yes, that's it, melt into me. I'm going to enter your mind, now, but don't be alarmed."

On one side of Harry's head, those fingers still caressed him, but on the other, they were replaced by the hard tip of Snape's wand.

Incantations filled the air, breathy whispers that Harry thought he could have understood, had he really listened. They drifted all around him, dancing through the air, becoming the air until it seemed he breathed them in through his nostrils, and he felt an otherness, a presence, alongside him in his mind. It was’t a domineering or a suffocating presence, rather what Harry thought a guardian angel must have felt like. It was steady consistent, standing alongside him rather than on top of. He was still there too, and in control, but the wispy otherness was there with him. Snape, he was slow to recognise. Snape, waiting patiently for Harry to let him enter further. Harry slumped, leaning completely against the warm body and let his teacher fill his mind.

Rivers flowed through him, wide rivers such as never could exist outside the realm of dreams. Then, just one river, widening as he watched, until it filled the entire world and the world just became one big ball of water. He saw it from above, until the waters broke free from their form and it was all he could see as it engulfed him. Submerged, surrounded on six sides, he felt the current, felt the coolness, felt the lull of the waves.

And then the tableau before him underwent a change, for he was no longer in the water, feeling and seeing it; he had become the water itself, and there was nothing in all existence save that water. No Harry any longer, and with him, no memories. Just a huge rush of water that filled the universe to overflowing, baptizing all creation in a realm of purest being.

Coming out of it all at once was rather like being dunked in the river he had just been visualizing, it was such a shock. Harry gasped, and tensed against Snape, but his teacher's arm held him fast until his breathing had slowed to something approaching normal. Then Harry levered himself up, and swivelled his head to look at Snape. Snape’s eyes were half-closed, his body mired in lines of exhaustion. Once Harry had taken in his surroundings he took note of how exhausted Snape appeared.

“You look tired. I’m sorry, is it so awful bing inside my head?”

“Stop with the insufferable apologies!” Snape growled through gritted teeth, making Harry flinch a little. “When you have need to apologise then I assure you that I will let you know. Now, to answer your question, being inside your head is no worse than being inside anyone else’s, it’s just that directing thoughts is exhausting.” Snape then sat bolt upright as if in alarm and Harry threw himself backwards, almost hitting his head on the fireplace.

“Dear Merlin, I wasn’t going to hit you, idiot child.” If Harry’s memories hadn’t been in the pensive then there was a strong likelihood that there could have been yet another panic attack but instead Harry only shook his head before standing on shaky legs. “Are you hurt?” Snape asked, perhaps rather belatedly whilst pushing himself up.

“No Sir. I’m so-“ Snape’s glare silenced him before he could even finish.

“It’s time to replace your memories Potter. This should be painless although it may feel rather a shock.” Reluctantly, Harry dragged himself to the pensive which, by now he had almost forgotten and he closed his eyes again. This time the pressure was coming from outside his skull and when it was released there was a flood of memories about the Dursley’s, quickly followed by a stream of memories concerning Lockhart. He bit down on his lip until it bled and pressed his nails into his palms so that they left crescent shaped indentations to prevent himself from crying out. When he opened his eyes he noticed Snape’s gaze but thankfully, the professor didn’t say anything until Harry had had a moment to catch his breath.

“After a few more attempts then I will no longer allow you the liberty of using the pensive, occlumency is of no use if you can only use it if you have already extracted memories. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your self-harming behaviours either however, now is not the time for this discussion, we both ought to go to bed.” Harry started at him for a moment before muttering a ‘Good night’ and trudging up the stairs.

“And Harry, well done.” Snape announced, causing Harry to turn back around in slight shock only to see the professors retreating figure.


	6. Heart to heart

Harry had woken up feeling more relaxed than he had since flying in the Ford Anglia, away from the Dursley’s and towards what he thought would be a brilliant year. He could have even been described as chipper what with the way he bounced down the stairs and greeted Snape whilst serving himself a large omelette.

“Given that you are not participating in classes and it is too stormy to even consider flying today then I believe we are overdue a discussion regarding your relatives treatment of you.” And now Harry’s mood worsened as rapidly as a burst balloon.

“Nothing to say.” He muttered bitterly whilst glaring at the food on his plate with such venom that he wouldn’t have been surprised if the omelette had shrivelled up and died.

“Then this ought to an expeditious discussion, yes?” Harry didn’t bother to reply to that, instead he started to scratch his heel with the sole of his trainer until his heel was raw and he had drawn pin pricks of blood to the surface. Noting that Snape had spent the last few minutes pointedly staring at Harry’s plate, the bot angrily shovelled some food in his mouth before meeting Snape’s eyes with a glare of his own. Deciding not to comment, Snape cleared the plates as he had done so the night before then led Harry into the lounge. 

Whilst Harry threw himself onto a sofa, crossing his arms and curling himself into a ball, Snape stood at the opposite side of the room as if he were analysing the child before taking a sudden step forwards. He noticed the way that Harry flinched and pressed himself into the sofa but he chose to ignore it. Given that only seconds later Harry was whimpering and mouthing something that looked suspiciously similar to variations of ‘I’m sorry Uncle, please don’t hurt me’ then the decision to ignore his flinch had clearly been the wrong one. With an eye-role, Snape got onto his knees in front of Harry and very slowly, very clearly placed a hand on his foot- the only part of his body which was not hidden in the protective ball.

“It’s okay Potter, I’m not going to hurt you, remember? I promised you that I wouldn’t hurt you with my wand, my fist or sexually, I would never do that to anyone- let alone a child. You’re safe here, idiot child” He soothed with his permanent undertone of sarcasm. Harry had been slowly relaxing but it was only when Snape shook his head and called him ‘idiot child’ that he released himself from his ball and met Snape’s eyes. After a short pause in which Harry regulated his breathing and managed to stop himself from shaking, Snape announced: “I do believe that you have some fresh self-injuries that I ought to attend to.” He didn’t scold Harry, preferring to raise an eyebrow and fix him with a disappointed stare that somehow seemed so much worse.

“It’s fine, I have it under control.” Harry sulked but nonetheless he pulled off his trainer to allow Snape access to his ankle.

“Things like this cannot be in control. It may seem like it now but if you continue the way you’re going it will get worse. At the moment you aren’t doing anything likely to cause serious damage but if you started burning yourself with a lighter or cutting then that risk would increase and you would eventually do something so distressing that you can not restore it and that you will become scared because it will then be obvious to you that you are not in control.” Snape’s tone was light and neutral, Harry was surprised to find himself wondering if the professor cared at all or if he had dealt with Slytherins with similar issues. Harry himself still refused to believe there was a problem and he knew he would never hurt himself the way Snape had described but he also knew that saying so would just lead to a discussion he would rather not have.

“Whatever.” He shrugged, causing his shirt to shift so that Snape saw the very slight blood stain against his upper arms from where Harry had dug his nails in during his panic attack. Snape hissed lowly but didn’t say anything beyond that. Once he had finished applying the oily, olive coloured ointment to Harry’s ankle, he slowly rolled the boys sleeves up until he had a good view of the four crescent shaped indentations, they were all swollen and had bruises forming around them but thankfully only a couple had actually broken through the skin. Once Harry was healed, Snape spelled bandages over his hands so the boy couldn’t do any damage to himself with his nails. Harry looked as though he were about to protest, his jaw clenched shut, eyes narrowed and colour rising in his face but in stead he just pouted, glaring at his feet and scuffing the floor. Snape almost wished he would yell or scream or anything more normal for a twelve year old boy than this suppression which obviously needed an outlet, hence the self-harm. Instead of tackling it directly though, Snape took a seat opposite Harry and levelled his gaze before speaking.

“I do believe that we came in here to conduct a salient discussion. You must understand, of course, that I have no intention of forcing anything out of you but I would vastly appreciate it if you would not trifle away my time.” Harry just nodded in response to this, filling Snape with hope that his words had been thoroughly ignored. “I visited your Aunt and Uncle.” Well, that got Harry’s attention.

“Y-you what? When? Why? Actually just forget it- it doesn’t matter why, you had no right t-“

“I visited them to have them sign guardianship papers detailing that they were no longer your legal custodians.” Snape explain in what was perhaps a rather harsh, clipped tone of voice.

“Oh.”

“I can assure you that no harm came of them although it is beyond me why you might be concerned about such a thing.”

“Well, they’re family.” Harry argued back rather meekly.

“A concept which I’m sure you’ve realised has very little to do with blood. It is, in fact, not a word that I would use to describe your relations with them.” Snape raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms so that his body was almost indistinguishable from the mass of black robes he wore.

“Look, it’s not like I didn’t deserve it, okay?” Harry spat, kicking the sofa with his ankle and a harsh swing of his leg.

“A little more clarity wouldn’t go amiss Potter, what did you do to deserve it? What even is ‘it’?” Snape didn’t miss the snort that his words caused yet he decided that now was not the time to comment on puerile mannerisms.

“I was freaky, i messed things up and got in the way and burnt the food and scored better than Dudley in school and my hair’s a mess and I’m too expensive and-and-and-“ Harry began hyperventilating now, something which didn’t surprise Snape in the least.

“Breath, Potter. I’m sure you know how- in through the nose, out through the mouth.” He watched calculatingly as Harry hugged himself and his breathing slowly returned to normal. “Good, Potter. Perhaps if you made more of an attempt to punctuate your sentences and practice the occlumency you learnt last night then your panic attacks would cease.” Whilst his words were undeniably harsh, they lacked their usual bite.

“It’s Harry. They always called me Potter, or boy but my name is Harry.” He snarled, eyes alight with anger at what was obviously some memory or another.

“As you wish.” Snape conceded. “Now, what exactly is the ‘it’ that they made you believe you deserved?”

“You saw my back.”

“Yes P- Harry, but I want to hear you say it.” Just calling him Harry made his words sound more comforting than snarky. Harry found that he actually rather liked it.

“And Pomfrey saw in her diagnostic scans. Why do you want me to say it? Just so that you can relish in the fact that I wasn’t pampered and spoilt?” Even Harry wasn’t sure where that outburst had come from, just that the thought of Snape being comforting scared him and the idea of trusting him made him want to run a mile because Harry had learnt that he couldn’t trust adults, they never had your best interests at heart, sometimes they said they did like that nurse at his primary school but they never care enough, they never do enough. Snape flinched at the way his words had been thrown back at him, he had been expecting it ever since those results on the scan came through but that didn’t make the guilt hurt any less.

“Because you need to accept what happened and understand that it was wrong. Now stop deflecting and either storm out like a petulant brat or tell me what they did to you. I can assure you that nothing you say will shock me.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO ME!” Harry yelled, leaping up so that he was towering over Snape who didn’t move in the slightest, looking up at Harry with such a neutral expression one would have thought they were simply discussing the weather. “I thought my childhood was normal because it was all I ever knew and even when I came to Hogwarts I kept telling myself it was normal because otherwise I would have to admit weakness and everyone expects me to be strong and to be the bloody boy-who-lived so I kept ignoring that tiny part of me that talked about how I would feel if Hermione or Ron got the belt at home and that told me it wasn’t okay. So, I don’t know what they did or what you want me to say because as far as I’m concerned, I had a small bedroom, was often sent to bed without dinner, had to do chores and sometimes got slapped. Happy now, you greasy old git?!” Snape waited patiently for Harry to catch his breath before standing up himself.

“Well, I believe that was rather productive. Although, I must say that if you wish to call me something other than Sir or Professor you should consider calling me Severus, I would certainly prefer it to ‘greasy old git’ and whatever other alliterative insults I’m sure you have the ingenuity to create.” With that, he left. Leaving Harry, perhaps more confused than ever to sit and ponder what the hell had just happened.


	7. You’re not my whatever!

It was some time later in the day when Snape found Harry curled up on the sofa, a quidditch book laying open in his lap as Harry absently sucked on the neckline of his top. If the man looked hard enough, he noticed that Harry’s hair was a dark, reddish brown rather than James’ pitch black and that Harry’s nose was slender, almost feminine. Whilst it was perhaps a result of summers spent gardening all day then his skin was tan and he had a small smattering of freckles across his nose, they were barely visible, nothing that Snape had noticed before but the sight made his lips twitch upwards in memory of how Lily had gained the same, barely visible dusting of freckles during long summers.

“Harry.” His voice was gentle, free from any intonation or inference but it still made the scrap of a boy jump and knock his book off of his lap. Neither of them said anything to draw attention to this but Snape did bend down and pick the book up, folding the well-worn page.

“Hermione gave it to my last year, for my first quidditch match.” Harry considered adding on that it was the first proper gift anyone had ever given him but decided against it, believing that it would just make him sound pathetic and attention-seeking.

“I apologise that I confiscated it in that case, I would assume it was one of the first things of any value that you had ever received.” Apparently Snape didn’t need Harry to acknowledge the lack of gifts from the Dursleys in order to guess at it. For some reason, the idea that Snape could guess at this so accurately incensed Harry until he felt a mix of shame, anger and guilt boiling in him, ready to explode through his pores.

“I got things of value!” He practically spat, causing Snape to raise a slender eyebrow and wipe his face from any expression.

“Do tell.” 

“I-I-I I got an ice cream-Sunday this summer! And Dudley once gave me his old toy soldiers!” Harry thought it best not to mention that the ice-cream had only been what was left after Dudley had complained it wasn’t big enough and received another or that the toy soldiers had all been missing limbs and had been chewed on by Aunt Marge’s dogs.

“Food should not be considered a gift and hand-me-downs are hardly special. No matter, if I had wished to commence a disagreement then you would already be storming from the room. What I wished to discuss was how your lessons were progressing, although, judging by this” he glared disdainfully at the book in his hands before tossing it onto the sofa “they are not progressing at all.”

“Well, i just thought that since I’m supposed to be away from school for my mental health or whatever then that would also include school work.” Harry argued, decidedly ignoring both the barbed comment about how he would be storming out and the one concerning his lack of progress in school.

“Perhaps so but given that you will soon be my ward then I refuse to have a child in my care who considers quidditch to be a priority over academia.”

“Yeah, well what if I don’t want to be your ward!?”

“I don’t see what other option you have, you’re too young to be legally emancipated and no other professor has knowledge of your circumstances.”

“I was fine at the Dursley’s! And what about Dumbledore or even Pomfrey for that matter? Besides, there are no circumstances- I’m fine- see!? I can get over it by myself.” At this declaration, Snape grasped his shoulder and spun the boy around, within seconds Harry was wriggling from his grasp screaming “No, no, no, no! Not that-I won’t do it!” And running towards a small cupboard underneath one of the book cases to lock himself in. Snape took a moment to chastise himself for the stupidity of what he had just done before going to kneel by the cupboard.

“Po-Harry. It’s just me, Professor Snape.”

“Piss off, you’re not my guardian or-or you’re not my whatever!”

“You’re afraid. You’ve never had an adult that you can be dependent on and any semblance of trust you had with regards to your professors has now been utterly destroyed. You don’t want someone looking after you, even as a formality, in case you become overly attached and vulnerable and then they either leave like your parents did (although obviously that wasn’t their choice) or they hurt you like your relatives or like Lockhart.” Snape paused, allowing Harry the opportunity to challenge him although he remained silent. Snape stiffened, taking the opportunity to grimace as if he had just tasted something bitter. After taking another moment to marshal his thoughts he finally spoke again. “I’m also afraid. You see, I never had much of a role model... my own father was... shall we just say less than satisfactory in more ways than one. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I was even thinking when I offered to care for you and I have no idea how to care for a 12 year old boy as is proven by the deplorably daft mistake I just made in manhandling you in such a way.” There was still silence on the other end of the cupboard but at least that meant that Harry was listening. Through gritted teeth, Snape managed to say “If you wish for details of my upbringing then I suggest you allow me the opportunity to pour myself some whisky.”

“No! No, Professor, just keep talking... please?” The voice was small and muffled but nonetheless it caused Snape to sigh in relief, Harry was listening and he didn’t have to tell him about his disgusting excuse for a father.

“Very well. I suppose what I am trying to say without sounding too horribly sentimental is that neither of us know what to do, we’re both afraid and, to be quite blunt, we both have the capacity to be blithering idiots. Neither of us is infallible. As such, we may as well blunder through this together. I don’t expect to replace James or to be any kind of father figure, honestly I’m not sure I want that. What I do want is to take care of you and be an adult that you can trust and rely on. Is that amenable?” Snape was on the verge of defining amenable due to the long silence but eventually Harry spoke.

“Yes Si- Severus.”

“Then would you do me the favour of getting out of that cupboard, it’s rather disheartening to talk to a wooden panel.” He heard something that sounded suspiciously like a laugh at that and there was the swift click of a lock before the door opened, Harry practically falling out.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to tell me that... about your father, I mean.” Harry stuttered, pulling himself into a sitting position on the floor besides Snape.

“You didn’t. Whilst I admit it’s not my favourite subject matter, I have no issue referring to it, if not in detailing the specifics.”

“If you, well, I assume that you understand then. I feel the same way, i can refer to what the Dursley’s did but details? I don’t see why you need them.”

“I have no desire to hear what they did to you Harry. I encouraged you to talk last night because talking will help you move on. However, I did not come to terms with what my father did or the wrongness of it until many years later, hence why I have not suggested you discuss what Lockhart did to you as I expect that will be similar. If it is too much to discuss the Dursley’s at this moment then I will understand.“ Harry swallowed thickly before nodding in a way that made his glasses slide down his nose. “And, on a similar topic, I want to take care of you, therefore those glasses which look to be held together by little more than spells shall have to go.”

“They’re fi-“

“When were they last replaced?”

“Replaced?” Harry asked quizzically, confusion drifting across his face when Snape sighed heavily.

“Exactly.”


End file.
